o.0

I had received the message countless times; even though I appear calm, I kancong at even the smallest things. Do not make mountains out of molehills. it is a important qoute, but I wonder why how come it doesn't apply to me. today, another incident just happened to me reinforcing the message. in the end, my sister scolded me for worrying for the smallest things. I realised that whatever you do, you must stand up for yourself and stand firm. even though the person quarrelling with you is Steven. on the jouney to Bukit Panjang Plaza, I talked about our work place. my colleague, Jessica, gave me a lot of advice to survive there. I had never felt closer to her before...
haix.. I never stop talking about work.. office politics.. you can't get rid of it, neither can you avoid it. that's all I wanna say about work. what else for me to say?

I recently joined a new malay volunteer group. 4pm. they recently held a Reading Support program for the children preparing themselves when entering kindergarden classes. I fell in love with one of the children. HIs actual name is Hidil. and he always wear a cap so low that he has to look up and peer at the surroundings to know what is going on. since I rushed to the Eunos CC after work, I had no idea that my brain is tired. so instead of registering in the brain the name Hidil, I tot Hidil's actual name is Bidin. needless to say, I called him that and others were actually wondering who's Bidin? the briefing was held at the 4pm headquarters. when I spoke up talking about him, they asked me, who's bidin and where is he? the misunderstanding is cleared when someone said his real name and all of us burst into laughter. I blushed.. so funny.. I still chuckle whenever that incident crossed my mind. but for now, nothing interesting happened. I'm going to take leave on 1 sept for my medical checkup. wanna take my ITE cert a.s.a.p. maybe I drop by at the school for a while.

young goo goo..

weird title right? where have I got the title from? it was the title song that my fave artist, (currently at the moment) is Usher singing together with Alicia Keys. two great artists singing together to make one great song. that's currently running inside my head right now.

what else can I say? there's the usual work that's got to be done today and basically I learnt something new. the documents that I have to analyse do some in different formats, and I was thrown off by surprise when I saw the document come in different format. since I am the Non-Gold admin, I deal with Non-Gold transactions. there is also another system called Gold system. haha.. that's another completely different system which requires a special method to insert the transactions. got only two documents which came in today, and I spent most of the day filing the Inbound (incoming ) documents. when Johnny asked me whether I had finished it as the clock ticked close to 5.30 pm. I said no, and he knew that I intended to work overtime. Imagine my shock when he told me to stop my work and continue the next day. (there's a rule that we can leave the docs till the next day in the office.) Give and take I guess. there's also a scare which I experienced in the morning. when Johnny said he wanted to talk to me, I dreaded the feeling that something bad is going to happen. when he spent a long time talking to Steven, (since the door was open and their voices could be faintly heard from my desk, I knew that they were talking about me and my work performance. I believe that Steven is not happy with my work, since I can't find the documents which he really needed urgently and with my filing. so naturally, he is totally not satisfied with my work performance. I know that I had to buck up in filing and maintain my standard of work when keying in work. I had to endure the indirect insults from Steven when I'm not able to meet his expectations. no wonder Yan Jie was doubtful when she was proposed to do the filing, since she was the last person who touched the documents. But her supervisor, William, proposed that I do it. guess what? I am instructed to do it. I'm okay with it, but the nightmare begins when I had to search for the missing documents that had long been passed around, and since everybody I asked claimed that they didn't have them, it became my responsibility. and I remember that Steven told me straight in the face that he would deduct my pay if I slacked in my work performance. and I learnt a powerful lesson from here. Always do your best, even though it is mediore to you. actually, I started sniffing softly (others thought that I'm going to cry) but the truth is that i was struck with a flu and it started working after that incident. Johnny came to me and watched the way I work for a while. I believe that my face expression changed. I also had to maintain my composure when Steven said this,
" do not touch my things. go out of my room. leave them as they are. I don't want you to mess up my things." and there was Alex in his room too. he gave totally different treatment to him as Alex managed to find them. since he offered to help me find them. I took a deep breath and told myself to remain calm. My self esteem went down a notch later. as I talked with my sister, she told me not to take it seriously aince the documents that he wanted were found. but later the same thing happened when YY approached me to tell me to find another document that Steven really wanted. and today, I still haven't found it. Johnny was quite tactful when he told me this.

"This is why I say, do your filing properly."
he didn't reply in this manner," I told you so. so now you know the reason why."
My trust in him was sealed. I believe that he knows that I didn't really need another lecture or scolding from him at that time. and I am grateful to him and Allah for that. If it really happened, I would have my composure torn down and then there I wuold really start crying. I see Johnny in a different light now. I give him respect that he deserves, and rightly so.

and today, something happened to me. as I was falling asleep doing nothing but massaging my forehead to keep awake, he called me over and confirmed with me that I got nothing to do. he asked Angie, a Gold manager, to pass me some of the Gold documents. I was required to enter the data exactly the same way she taught me. I did my best in doing them. from that moment, I knew that Johnny had his trust in me.
"it is easy to break someone's trust, but ALWAYS HARD WORK to regain his trust back."

I do not know why my energy seemed to be low today, so tomorrow, I must tackle the problem. and I seemed to be more blur today. haha.. must get a good night rest tonight.

adios...

wah...

just got my $$ today!! Ahh.. I feel soo relieved.. finally can spend my first hard earned money.. ironically, the first item that I spend on my $$ is the Macdonald's Mcflurry icecream.. (hungry lah..) I say man, planned to go shopping and ransack all the shops that come in my way, already know what things that I seriously need to buy. can't wait for Saturday!! Yahoo!!
planning to get another jo soon, cos I'm planning to end my job at the end of this month.. hopefully I will check for any mistakes and hope that all the work I did for the day is 110% best. and I mean it. Haix.. another problem came up, now I have to work harder than ever before to earn and win back the trust of the 1st important person. Steven. no lah, he's not the Steven whom we all know in class KE.. but I heard that the name of the class changed to another name.. what is it? KO? maybe. If yes, then I'll say case closed. ;p hmm.. wondering how are they doing.. hope that they'll doing fine..
the Steven Whom I'm talking about is My HUb manager. he's the one who hired me. and he easily has the power to tell the agency whom I work for to end my contract. Wah liao eh.. I really regret breaking his trust. just now got my hopes crushed. tot that he is finally forgiven me when he started talking to me just now. then later, he told me straight in the face that any small mistakes that I made will result in deducting $$ from my salary.. Haix.. and he told me in front of all the colleagues, making sure that they heard him.. when will the tongues stop wagging?? almost cried again. hati sakit lah.. that incident reinforced the reason why I really need to get another job. coz I want to be happy when doing my job. sure, I can give all my effort into the work now, but in the long run, I really don't vision myself as working there for long.. I even told that to the agency person, Shanne. look for greener pasture, I guess.
now I know how hard is it to work and get that hard earned money. no wonder parents always nag at us to spend our $$ wisely and save some of them.. well, better start saving soon. thinking of a person whom I'm writing this.. hopefully he's doing great coz I've been praying for him and the rest.. every morning, I think of my close friends and prayed to Allah, so that they'll always be in HIS care and protection always. Insya'Allah. ther person whom I'm talking about is my god brother, Sean. Targa, Ryan, Ryan's Wife ( I haven't get to knoe her name yet even though we talked and met a few times.. Aish..) Kok Yen, Gary, rebecca, Caiqi, Doreen, Steven (KE), Intan, Han Rong, Cheryl, Faisal.. all those ppl made a difference in my life and I'll never forget what they did for me, and especially Sarah.
I heard from Mr. Anthony that she's getting better and I am so relieved to hear that.. Been praying a lot for Sarah.. Was kinda devastated when I heard the bad news from her when she smsed me one morning.. I know that it has been a big blow to her.. well, any going to parent would be.. hopefully she would be blessed wit a beautiful, healthy and faithful child.. well, I'm gonna leave it to Allah's will.

I know and am a firm believer that HE will AlWAYS Hear Our Prayers, no matter what time of the day.. I LOVE HIM. I LOVE ALLAH. Without HIM, I don't think that I would be able to get past all the obstacles that life throws at me. Neither would I want to be right now. I feel soo BLESSED.

speaking of National Day, I spotted some of my Sc friends as they were motivating the crowd. cried out in surprise as I spotted the camera man focus his attention on Gary, as he was interviewed by the channel 5 reporter, I could see that's he's trying not to blush as he gave his answer. Immediately smsed him as soon the interview was over.. I was soo proud of him. not to mention all who participated in this year's NDP. Spotted Khadijah and MOlly waving to the camera at the start, then saw Alif waving hi to the camera and saying hi loudly and saw my dear junior Tom talking on the phone. haha... I cried after I saw them.. really missed them a lot.. loved them with all my heart.. Muack!! I wanted to see the motivator's performance really badly. I wanna see the foundation and the dance moves they had so practiced a lot.. I wanna learn them!! Aiee!! how come I didn't go into this year's ndp??!! *&^%$#@!

ahem.. excuse me for my lack of grace just now. i purposely did that.. hehe..

well, getting late. gotta go.

bye, Adios!!

eve of national day..

the day has finally arrived. the thought of my close friends going for dance rehearsals to prepare for this day is going to end soon. when Gary demontrated some of the dance moves, I thought, wow. their chereographed moves are better than I imagined. even I myself wanted to learn them! like millie said, the memories will always be there... and I snigger at the thought of Gary running faster than the others, the second person running 2 meters behind him.. haha.. I wonder how's his face expression. (Mr. Bean Style??) too bad i missed it. :x
all those who participated in this year are soooo lucky. especially the ones who get to dance.. even more shiok!! it's a chance that I regretted not taking... but never mind, I find other opportunities to do my own thing..

everytime I spotted the NDP tv ad, I knew that, like always, its going to be grand. further more our beloved and well-respected Prime mInister Mr. Goh Chok Tong is stepping down, so this year NDP is really a significant event for all of us. (wah.. I'm getting patriotic here.)

as for work, i survived another week with the usual highs and lows (most of the time, lows) and I had to face and deal with another blow. my mentor told me this; when you work in an office environment, where there are usually office politics, it's best not to get yourself involved. and try not to take things too personally. MOst important of all, be aware of ppl who know your weakness and try to manipulate you using your guilt. So in other words, when I work, I have to be less emotionally detached and have to look at the matter objectively. there was one instance which it happened to me. as usual, Johnny was scolding me, and he told me straight in the face that he tot that I had the wrong ideas about doing my work as he was checking my work. He pointed out my mistakes and made sure that everyone heard him telling me off as I made another blunder. me? you know the saying. what comes in thru the left ear, comes out from the right. he pointed my mistake out, then changed it, all the while saying that this particular customer rang the office the day before and demanded a full explaination why his item was never shipped out. when he looked at the heading, he realised that he himself made a mistake and quickly corrected it. haiz, to think that he scolded me for a shipment that never really happened in the first place (during my absence)
I just rolled my eyes in the end.

however, there ARE some things that happened while I worked there. those things that I did, I admit, I am NOT proud of. This work stint made me realise my Blind Spots. others' points of view of me and their impresson of me to them. But I learnt to take all of them in stride and just work harder than before. hard work is not enough. add to that, a willingness to learn, constantly improving, remember not to do your mistakes again. As I think about it, this data entry job is not only about entering shipment data. it accounts for customer service (Do the RIGHT thing RIGHT the first time, every time)

and the very idea where I had to work my hardest to win back the trust and respect from the all colleagues humbles me greatly.

and this is an ONGOING PROCESS. that realisation just hit me Home..

a rainy day had passed..

what can I say? today is a day for me to slack.. it had been raining during the day. spent the day cleaning out my closet, helped my mom cook sambal goreng.. the tedious stage of the cooking is when I need to cut up all the vege and stir them and not let them get burnt..
the after product is fantastic, even I do say myself..

another working week had passed, and there was one day when I came to my desk seeing this pile of documents needed to be done a.s.a.p. I did them all and finished them just before lunch hour.. and Josephine checked with me and made sure that I know my mistakes. the week had passed, and I spent the rest of the days doing one or two documents and surfing the net.. well, got nothing for me to do.

what else? I noticed that towards the end of the month, all the permanent staff had their own meetings, and sometimes all of them attended a meeting too. besides me, there is also a temp staff working in the same company too. he is Vincent, a 68 year old man who works part time to pass his time. he adopts the constant learning attitude I found him to be a humble, cheerful person who never hesitates to ask questions to clarify his doubt. he is also the first person whom I confided that I had never felt so alone in that office. he came over to my desk, crouched down to look at me eye-level and gave a long speech which I would never forget. what he said exactly described my feelings and my actions at that time. I nearly broke down in tears when I whispered that I had the feeling that I'm gonna be fired soon. he assured me that it's not going to happen because the office has lack of staff since 2 temp staff had left. meetings was about the state of the non gold inventory and the lack of staff. I guess that there are more new ppl working here after the temp staff had left.

well, that's it..